It’s been a year since my husband and I have not only been married, but first met. We were set up by a mutual family friend and had only spoken for about 2 months (maybe less) before we tied the knot. It’s been a whirlwind of a year since then. Marriage has a way of forcing yourself to grow up. I found myself making decisions not with the thought of how this can benefit me, but also how it can help my husband. And man, do questions become harder to answer when another person is involved. Phew.
Pick your battles.
Every couple talks about this. But I never actually knew what it meant until this year. I am the only daughter to my two loving parents. I’m also the youngest. Therefore, its very difficult not to get what I want. So, when I found my husband resisting to things I wanted over the past year, I was confused. Whether its small things like choosing bed sheets and decor to bigger things like budgeting and finances – when two very different people have to make one decision, its hard. But you learn quickly. The days my husband decides to wear something I’m not too fond of, I’ve learned to let it go. Because I know, there’s going to be something more important to provide opinions about in the future. And when that time comes, I need him to listen to me instead of thinking ‘here we go again.’ Compromising becomes easier in a relationship when you keep the bigger picture in mind. Think about whether or not you will hold on to his decision a week from now – or a few months from now. Yes, that hoodie might belong in a garbage bag at the bottom of a landfill in Alaska, but you’re going on a a quick trip to the grocery store and he’s going to be wearing his jacket the entire time. Let. It. Go.
Don’t loose yourself.
He likes to play video games. I like time to myself. A lot. So if you suddenly go from blissful solitude to being two peas in a pod all day, everyday– small things will start to get to you. If you need to take time to yourself, take time to yourself. You partner will thank you for it. The moments you spend together doesn’t always have to be as a thrilling roller coaster ride, but it is important to want to be there. Its not fair to you or your partner to force yourself to be together when you’d rather catch up your favourite vloggers and he’d rather be catching demons on his PS4. The key to keeping the spark alive in a relationship is to have your own life. Have your own friends! Oftentimes, its easy for couples to find other couples to hang out with so games night becomes a large group of the same people. However, don’t lose sight of your own friends in the long run. We all get caught up in new relationships. Everything is still being put into place, and my husband and I are essentially still getting to know each other. Despite this, we keep up with our hobbies. Or try to. Go shopping with your girls and keep each other’s secrets. Sure, transparency is nice in a marriage, but he doesn’t have to know everything.
He will never know why you’re mad
I have a communication problem. If I’m mad, I will give you the cold shoulder. Most people figure out what they did or have a hunch that something is wrong. My husband hasn’t figured this out. Sometimes, I will bring up an incident that bothered me from weeks ago casually in a conversation, and he had no idea that it even bothered me. In fact, sometimes he doesn’t even understand why it was wrong. So, to save a lot of wasted energy being angry, it’s better just to tell your partner you’re having an issue. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in the past year, it’s that men just do not have the emotional capacity to grasp certain things. Unfortunately, that leaves their better half to teach them everything from A-Z. Do not let each other do things that you know will cause resentment in the future. I have done this numerous times with the intention ‘lets see how far this goes’ only to learn that it will go as far as you let it, and the only person that will get hurt is you. My husband may be great, but he’s not a mind reader. If you don’t tell him something’s bothering you, he will not know that something is bothering you. And nothing pushes me off the edge more than to see my husband in a happily-go-lucky attitude when I’m upset. Of course, I’m still working on teaching myself to speak up. However, knowing that marriage isn’t for a day or two really helps to spit things out. The last thing you want to do is let to him think everything is okay. Don’t expect him to react positively when you bombard him out of the blue few years down the line.
Marriage isn’t easy. But it’s fun. My husband is my best friend. He sees a side of me that I didn’t even know I had. Some days, just the sight of him irritates me. Then I think about why he’s even irritating me and realize that if I stay mad at him, I’m only losing out on the laughs and giggles we can be having at that moment. The one thing that surprised me most about this past year is when you share a bed with the right person, you don’t want to be facing the wall, even if you are in a bad mood. I always want to be facing my best friend. Like, right in there. Bad breath and all. That’s what makes me the happiest.